Dunces with Wolves: The third volume of the Bernard Jones Investing Diaries by Nick Louth

Author:Nick Louth [Louth, Nick]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780857193759
Publisher: Harriman House
Published: 2013-11-20T00:00:00+00:00

Wednesday 19th March: Evening Excuses

6.30pm. Eunice has prepared a particularly revolting dinner tonight. It looks like imaginatively arranged road kill, but is apparently grilled snoek on a bed of sautéed beetroot and endives with pistachio nuts. I take my first fishy mouthful and gag immediately.

“Don’t be like that, Bernard. There’s a whole week’s omega 4 and selenium in that dish.”

“It’s somewhat bitter,” I manage, not wanting to upset my spouse just before asking the favour of a foreign trip.

“It’s from Irmgard’s Men’s Health cookbook.”

“Ah, well that would explain it,” I respond, taking a sip of the accompanying drink, which tastes like diluted stoat plasma but is apparently cranberry juice and soya milk.

“You see, Bernard, I’m taking care of your prostate and lower intestinal tract as well as your cholesterol. Really, you should be thanking me for putting right all the damage you do with those illicit cakes, biscuits and sweets which I know you still hide in and around the den.”

“Well, thank you,” I say. After eating as much of the food as I can stomach I bring up the subject of the trip.

“Darling,” I begin gently, which of course immediately raises her suspicions. “An opportunity has come up through the share club to take a weekend away as part of our research into emerging markets investment themes.”

“Not anything like last year’s I hope,” Eunice responds.

“Well, no, this one’s abroad, in Latvia. A city break with hotel included, all for about £100 a head. That’s a bargain, really.”

“Oh, that sounds quite good. I think we should go. I’ve never been to any of the Baltic republics.”

“Um, well. I’m not sure you’d like it, there’s going to be some investment presentations, talks with businessmen, that kind of thing. You’d probably be bored. And it’s ever so cold, minus something, bound to be. Do you know the sea often freezes along that part of the Baltic until April?” All this spills out rather hurriedly.

“Bernard. If your share club hasn’t got any money, as you are always telling me, why on earth will local businessmen be queuing up to talk to you? And which of you speaks Latvian?”

“Oh. I think they mostly speak English. I don’t know all the details, Russell’s arranging it.”

“But he isn’t even in the share club, is he?” Eunice says. “This just doesn’t make any sense. I just think you’re trying to put me off. I mean we’ve not been abroad for months, and now you don’t even want me to come with you when we have the chance.”

“I’d love you to come, really. But it is rather short notice.”

“Why, when are you going?”

“Tomorrow, and coming back on Monday.”

“But Bernard, this weekend is Irmgard and Nil’s party!”

“Oh,” I fib. “I thought that was next weekend.”

“Bernard, don’t be so ridiculous. I wrote it in your diary months ago. You know full-well they are launching an online dietary advice service, and you know that I agreed ages ago that we would help them set up and run the launch party.”

“Oh dear, that is tiresome,” I say.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.